By Jerry H.
© December 2010 all rights reserved.
You can visit his website for more of his writings at www.bondagejerry.com
Is D/s a True Power Exchange? Some say yes it is a power exchange, others say no, I say it can be both.
Those that say no, it is because the submissive always has the right to say no. If they have that right, then some will say it is not a power exchange, it is only loaning it. In the beginning the submissive has to always have a way to back out until the trust is built up. So that is why I agree with that view.
For the vast majority of people this is acceptable and is enough for them to get what they need out of a D/S relationship. In this case for these people they should capitalize both the D/S because you are equals in a symbiotic relationship. Each person in the relationship needs the other person, to make their play relationship work.
If one does not work up to it, the Dom does not know enough about the submissive, or the submissive trust the Dom enough to just let things take their natural course. If it does not happen this way there is a very good chance for abuse and non-consensual acts to take place.
There are others though who are looking for a little more than pretend or temporary power exchange. After the trust is there 100% and the Dom knows the submissive well enough this can safely be a real power exchange. For this group of people the negotiations are done and the power is exchanged and it stays exchanged until the scene is over or the contract for the power exchange was completed. In this sort of situation so long as the negotiated limits are stayed within anything goes. This can be a very comfortable and natural D/s relationship; where one receives what the other so wholly gives of themselves for the pleasures/desires/needs of the other. This form of power exchange is the level where many dominants call themselves the Master and the submissive their slave.
The term is "Power exchange" not "power forfeiture". From where I stand, the Dominant/submissive relationship dynamic is a unilateral arrangement. Being the person "in control" does not necessitate a monopoly on the power. To terminate the relationship either person can withdraw consent and /or participation.
This for some means that the submissive surrenders all power and the only power the submissive has is "The power to leave the relationship." For others it is preset negotiated limits for a small period of time and nothing outside of those preset for that one scene is allowed; however for most people it is somewhere between those two extremes.
Most people I know start up with the submissive placing lots of restrictions on the Dom. But as the relationship continues there is more trust built up and the restrictions become less and less.
To take this to the last level of power exchange of the Master and slave where the only recourse the slave has is to walk away from the relationship otherwise they have to accept what their Master sees fit. The submissive in this level of relationship trusts their dominant totally and knows that they are safe in their care and that they will not be harmed mentally or physically. They are placing literally their life in the hands of their dominant. Like this or any other D/s relationship both parties have to be getting something out of the relationship that is positive or else the relationship is doomed to failure.
As a side note here, in order to call yourself a Master you must own a slave. If the relationship ends then they are no longer a Master. The only other way to be a master is though having an extensive knowledge and great proficiency in some area of expertise. In this case that title is bestowed on you by others who recognize this and never by your say so. So please bare this in mind when meeting someone who calls them self a Master.
Having given my views on that it is to be a dominant, you should see that few if any fully measure up to being the perfect dominant. So if you are not there yet as a dominant it give you something to aspire to and will show you the weak areas about yourself that you can work on. Just as you expect your submissive to grow and become the best submissive they can be so should you grow as their dominant. If you do not grow with them, they will soon out grow you.
For the submissives reading this I hope it helps you to weed out the wannabes and abusers and will aid you in finding the Dominant that is right for you. Just as your dominant will train and guide you, so can you gently guide your own dominant to reach their own full potential as your dominant.
I welcome your feedback, comments, and any addition info that you share so it can be added to this article to make it more informative for those that read future drafts of this article. I can be reached by e-mail at bon_jerry@yahoo.ca
Jerry H.